Day 1: Stroke of Midnight

januaryHappy New Year, friends!

As you know, one of my goals has been to write more. One of the tools I play to use is the 365 Writing Prompts from The Daily Post.

Even if I don’t use the prompt, I will still make my attempt to write something.  We will see how I do with this project.

Jan. 1. Stroke of Midnight Where were you last night when 2013 turned into 2014? Is that where you’d wanted to be?

I was absolutely no where near where I wanted to be!

At this point in my life, I was well on the struggle bus. It was real.

A couple of years earlier, I lost my job in the one industry that was exactly what I wanted. I was at a very small town newspaper. I knew that it wasn’t where I wanted to be long term, so I was in graduate school. I had spread my self way too thin and something gave. But it honestly wasn’t how I would have had it. I was let go from the newspaper for some very petty reasons. They should have just said, we don’t want you here anymore and I would have been more fine with it than what I was given. And you could tell they knew it as they were walking the reasons back. Either way, I was glad to be away from that job.

I thought at the time, it would give me time to find some little job and then I could finish up my degree.

Well. That was 2011 and the economy was still very gross.

My parents generously took their baby in and helped her while she finished her masters degree. They both have health issues and needed the extra hands. So, honestly, it worked out very well.

I finished up the masters degree in public administration in 2012. I was working for experience and gas money as a social media coordinator for a candidate for a state representative. She was very successful and I was pleased to have had a small hand in helping her. But my state’s budget is very small and she couldn’t afford to take on a social media coordinator full time. So, the job hunt began.

From 2012 to 2014, I had been on so many interviews, done so much freelance work that was actually my job. This time was also when my anxiety became a full blown issue as I felt at a point that I may never actually have a full time job ever again. And that was unbelievably frustrating. I would never say I hit depression over it. I was anxious and frustrated. I know I am talented, have lots of abilities and a very hard worker. I was employable.

So yeah, when they clock struck midnight on 2014, I was no where near where I wanted to be.

Patience paid off that year as that fall I finally found a job. It’s been a wild ride… as I was even laid off for a month at the firm due to business stuff but I am now in a position with the company where I am doing well. I worked my way up to a supervisory position for a client at the customer service firm. I worked hard to get to that position this year. I knew I wanted to do the position I am in now from the moment I began working with this client. And now, my goals have changed work wise, I want to get better at this job and see where I can go from there.

If you had told me before 2011 that this is what I would be doing, I would have just looked at you. When the clock struck midnight in 2014, I would have said, bring it!

Now, I am pleased and looking ahead to what’s in the future for me.

So Long 2016, You Were … Something

Today’s the last day of 2016. Let’s discuss!happy-new-year-2017

  • I got a promotion at work. I’m so thankful for that because I worked my tail off for it. It’s a complete challenge everyday and while I find myself wanting to slap some folks around, it’s much better than what I was doing.
  • I lost a beloved uncle, an aunt, who was my mom’s older sister, and two cousins, who were the children of said aunt. I think I’ll remain heartbroken over all four of those losses for sometime.
  • The electoral college of my country voted in a narcissistic, misogynistic, xenophobic douche canoe of a person. I am really nervous about what Donald Trump’s presidency will bring. Will we make it through 2017? Will there be 4 years of his crap? Even worse, could we have 8 years? I’m hoping the legislative and judicial branches keep him in check. I hope that the media does their job. I guess we shall see!
  • The Chicago Cubs won the World Series. … Ok, let’s be honest. I’m more pissed that the St. Louis Cardinals finished second behind the Cubs and didn’t even make the playoffs. And that they seemed content with it. I will say that I am glad that Jaime Garcia has been traded. I’m glad they picked up Dexter Fowler and Brett Cecil. I hope they have another trade or signing up their sleeves. I want my team competitive in 2017. Same ole crap ain’t going to cut it anymore! … Yeah, read that with the most southern accent ever!
  • I am thankful that my friends had good years as well! New baby, new jobs and a multitude of successes and adventures. I am happy I have good, supportive, amazing friends!

Now, let’s talk about some goals for 2017.

  • Write more. Whether it is here or somewhere else, writing is a very important outlet for me and I have to do it. I am not in top form if I am not writing. So. You’ll be seeing more from me.
  • Work on my photography more. I have said this for many years now, but I really want to work on it more. Maybe make some money for it. Photojournalism was my first degree from college so. I love photography. It’s also a good outlet. I’ll definitely keep you up to date with what I do there.
  • Continue my goal of being more healthy. I have a real slip up over the past week. I have a foot ailment that is quite painful. I have not been able to hit the treadmill/gym as needed because hobbling stinks. It’s starting to feel some what better so hopefully I’ll be able to hit the gym … along with all the others with exercise goals! I’d state more goals here – like a race or something – but with my foot in so much pain, I just really want to be able to function!
  • If it’s fiscally possible, a new car.
  • If it’s fiscally possible, travel.
  • If it’s fiscally possible, BASEBALL.
  • Avoid the news. This Trump stuff is depressing. Anxiety inducing. That said I’ll read more, watch more Netflix/Hulu/etc or take up something new. As a news junkie, this pains me more than you know. But news has been gross lately.
  • Keep improving. Whether it is a work, writing, photography, friendship … I just want to always improve.

I hope you all have a wonderful 2017! Be safe. Be happy.

Feel free to comment and tell me some of your goals for 2017!

Things I am Thankful for This Year

Happy Thanksgiving!

So while you’re sipping on your coffee and waiting for your Thanksgiving feast to hit the table, I’ll give you a little light reading about what I am thankful for this year. 

  • I’m in good health. Eating better and working out helps. Yay for 24-hour gyms too.
  • I got promoted at work this year. I really couldn’t believe it because my anxiety almost prevented me from even applying. I am so glad I did. I am so thankful for the challenge the job brings everyday. I no longer feel like a machine answering phones. I do feel like I’m actually making a difference and who doesn’t want that from their work. The hours aren’t particularly great. But whatever. I am liking the job.
  • My parents. After some struggles health wise, they seem to be back on track. That makes me happy because they are the most wonderful, gracious, loving people. It makes me teary how wonderful they are. Love them so much. They bring a smile to my face daily!
  • My extended family. What a year this has been. Some painful loss. Prayer and love helps.
  • Prayer. I’ve found that this and meditation has helped me get through some serious anxious moments. Anxiety will hit you like a freight train when you least expect it. Remembering to breathe and saying a little prayer can take the edge off those moments. Medication works too. It really is best to find and experiment with what works best to get you through anxiety.
  • Speaking of extended family… my dear friend, Ann, had a beautiful baby boy, Parker, a couple of weeks ago. I am so thankful that he is a happy, healthy little guy. Also? I am grateful to have her in my life. There’s not enough words. She’s the best. (Hi Ann!) I can’t wait to see her again and cuddle that little man!
  • The Best Group Text Message In the World. This is a group of five baseball fans linked together by one elf. And it’s oh so much more. Sure we talk baseball and elves, but we have some pretty good discussions on other topics. And the venting. Oh the venting! This group – Stacy, Dennis, Fong and Charlie – is the best.
  • My West Coast Sister. Hi Tamara! Love this girl. We talk about everything from her school, my work, goofy things on Twitter, food … ok … sweets, our love/addiction to fantasy sports and our mutual love of Cam Newton and our hate of  loathsome sports teams. We instantly hit it off during our sports blogging days.
  • My work friends. While I do love my new job. It can be stressful so it’s good to have some people around that make you laugh!
  • That I live in the United States of America. I am really still in shock over an election that brings us President-elect Donald Trump, but I think this country is good and will do good. Hopefully. I pray for it anyway.
  • The internet. Because Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, etc., are important. Heh!

Enjoy all the football, movies, turkey and dressing, green bean casserole and pie! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, loves!

Love Does Trump Hate … Right?

The results of the 2016 Presidential election Tuesday night left me stunned, anxious and terrified.

I knew this country was deeply … deeply … divided.

I guess I was naive to think that a candidate who espoused hateful rhetoric couldn’t be my country’s president. A nation known as the great melting pot couldn’t have a leader that wanted to deport millions of people. It couldn’t have a leader who wants to ban a complete religious group from its borders. An individual who bragged about sexually assaulting women on the regular or just being down right misogynistic couldn’t be the leader of the United States of America.

No? Never? Well. Here we are.

Growing up an Arkansan, I know there is real dislike for Bill and Hillary Clinton. No matter how many wonderful things this couple has done, there is still that layer of distrust. I get it. I mean, the stuff with the e-mails was hard to swallow. Work e-mails should remain work e-mails. On a work server. She even admits that. … But honestly, it’s not even the e-mails. No matter what Joe Bob at the water cooler tells you it was “them e-mails.” It wasn’t. It was her. It was her 30+ years of public service. It was that she was part of the establishment. Hillary was apart of a government that hasn’t done much … mostly because of divisive politics.

The people that voted for Donald Trump wanted change.

But they didn’t want just any change. Because more changes would have happened in the Congress and Senate if the people really wanted change.

No. They wanted a change that appealed to their white, male, national pride. They wanted someone who said the things they are thinking. And it’s quite evident when you check social media. Latinos getting told their time is up at the gas station by some redneck? Muslim women refusing to wear their hijab for fear of angering some knuckle-dragger?

But, is this how Trump will really be as president? Get this… Just days before being elected, Trump’s campaign took down his hate filled statements about banning Muslims. And upon meeting President Obama, Trump said he really enjoyed meeting with the president and they had a great discussion that last an hour and half and could have gone longer in his words. Trump admitted they had never met and actually liked him.

Man. Imagine if Trump had only met President Obama sooner. … Imagine that!

But I digress.

Trump is also going to have to learn a lot about diplomacy on the political level. You have to have diplomacy skills in order to work with people and get things you want taken care of for the people you represent. So these morons that tell you they voted for him because he says what we’re thinking… well, you’re about to see how duped you got. If Trump were to continue his ways, he will have a Congress and Senate … and a nation revolt. And he will not get a thing done. That wall isn’t getting built and there is no way Mexico is paying for it.

He must learn that team work makes the dream work. There is no I in team.

I know many hoped he will surround himself with top minds. Rudy Giuliani as attorney general is abhorrent. Newt Gingrich as secretary of state? Fuck that. How about getting people that disagree with you? Gingrich, Giuliani and Chris Christie have been stroking your ego for months. They won’t be objective.

But most importantly? What will he do to bring this nation together? He has millions of people that elected him that want him to keep to his hate speech. They want Muslims gone. They want that wall built.

And then, he has millions more praying that he won’t be as awful as candidate Trump for President has been. They hope that all of that was just talk. That like meeting President Obama, he will have a discussion and it will be a good thing. That he will be diplomatic. That he will work with people do to what is right for the people … be it man, woman, black, white, gay, transgender, Muslim, Latino or disabled.

He has a great nation to lead. I hope that he can. … Our country depends on it.

 

Hello! Welcome to my new spot to write

You know what? WordPress is just a little more friendly for writing. So, I’m picking up my stuff from Blogspot and coming back to WordPress.

I say coming back, because I have done most of my writing for the Internet at WordPress. I used to write for several sports blogs and a Netflix-centered fan website.

A little bit about me.

I have a degree in photojournalism and a masters in public administration. I work in the customer service industry. I enjoy sports – specifically the St. Louis Cardinals, St. Louis Blues, Memphis Grizzlies and the NFL. I am an Arkansas State graduate and love to cheer on my Red Wolves.

I am a huge television fanatic. Because of my job and my love of going to the gym after work, I’m always playing catch up on Hulu, Netflix or On Demand.

As I mentioned, I enjoy going to the gym. I have goals. I may discuss them here at some point. I’m no where near where I want to be, but life is a work in progress and so is lifting and walking.

In the past, I’ve blogged about the above as well as whatever is floating through my head. I have anxiety so there is always a lot going through my head. I love politics but I am hating this current political climate. I’ll be very happy when the 2016 election is over. I love entertainment, sports, life stuff and many many other things.

Basically? I have a lot that I enjoy. So. You’re going to get a lot of topics from me. You’ll deal with it.

Thanks for stopping by!

xoxo

Miranda

Orlando and Today’s Media

It’s been over a week since the senseless shooting at an Orlando nightclub. I’m honestly still trying to comprehend how this happened.

Basically, I’m wanting to know why this is a logical conclusion for the shooter.

News reports say he claimed allegiance to ISIS. His father says he was disturbed at the site of two men kissing. Was this just a case of a religious man trying to kill off people? Reports also indicate the shooter had been to the Pulse nightclub in Orlando on multiple occasions. And, that he’d gone on dating apps to talk with men. Could this be just a closeted young man, angry at the world because he is struggling with his religion and sexuality? Having grown up in the south, it’s not surprising to hear of a guy getting angry about homosexuals and then years later, learning they were just closeted.

Whether it’s ISIS or being closeted, neither justifies going on a rampage with an AR-15 in a nightclub where people were just having fun.

It’s been awful to hear the stories of the people killed in this tragedy. It’s awful to consider these people were killed for some twisted soul’s agenda.

It’s awful that in the wake of this tragedy, people don’t seem to want to make a significant change. Instead, they take to the airwaves, the Twitters or Facebook, and note the sadness of the tragedy but no one can take their guns away because it’s their right. America.

Well. Yes, it’s your right to have a gun. Absolutely. But? It’s also a right to live peacefully and not get blown away by an AR-15. …. Speaking of that AR-15. The shooter had been on a terror watch list. How did he get access to purchase that assault rifle? No. Really. How?

And, then you have Republican Presidential nominee Donald Trump. Hours after the shooting, Trump congratulated himself on twitter for getting it right that the shooter was an Islamic extremist. Good on you, Donald. Good on you. Trump went on to say that had people been armed, this wouldn’t have happened. And border control. That wall needs to go up. Right Donald. That wall is going to help with people already living here that are angry for no good reason. Right.

It’s a frustrating time we are living in.

When you are angry, going out and buying an AR-15 assault rifle is not the answer. While that’s never going to happen, there are always other options for anger. Talk it out with a friend. Breathe or meditate. Listen to music. Go for a walk.

There are so many options.

What do you think? Is this tragedy going to lead to significant change? 


ps: I promise to not always be so political. This is an election season and quite the time we are living in so, expect some discussion! I will keep it light, too! Promise! 

When Anxiety Meets Confidence, Oh The Bad Things

So, yes. Yes, I have been away for a while. I would apologize but you see. It’s really been out of my control.

That’s what happens when anxiety strikes. You’re rolling along. All confident and what not. Writing stuff and feeling great about it. And then…

Something happens.

It can be anything really. Hearing a co-worker complain about her life. Then all of a sudden, you internalize what she is saying. You are overcome with a sweat and dry mouth. In the middle of winter. You begin to remember how you feel about things. Sure. Life is good. But it could always be better. You have a masters degree, what are you doing at that job anyway. … Because you suck. That’s why. You’re just … I’m not even going to continue.

And then. You remember. You actually kick a lot of ass. Yes. You have a masters degree. But. The economy is still in a shit tank and you have bills to pay. And? While you hate the job you have, you aren’t bad at it and you do help people. That matters for something. You have your health, you have wonderful family and friends. It’s going to all work-out.

And, it kind of goes around in a little vicious circle. A negative comment from someone you thought was a friend, could send you into an absolute spiral. Too many rainy days? Yeah. Bye. Too much negativity. Being around someone I really don’t like or that makes me uncomfortable as fuck? Being in TOO new a situation? Yeah. Really anything sets it off.

It sucks. BAD.

Thankfully there is medication. Ha! And most importantly, for me there has always been writing. You see, you would say talking it out probably. But. I get flustered trying to express myself through words a lot. It comes out scattered. Yeah. It’s bad! You’d probably be ok with it, though. You’d understand. Maybe. But. I’d be uncomfortable so!

So. It’s even worse when you feel like shit about your writing. Especially when it’s been your outlet since you were 16. I first began writing around that age. It was an incredible outlet. Everything I was feeling? I could write it out and feel a gagillion times better. I enjoyed it so much, I even made it journalism my major in college. I was actually really good at it. Worked at a couple of local newspapers. Won awards. I felt like I made a difference. And then, I ran across some folks who really tore my confidence down. It was never my writing that was criticized. It was always something else. Mostly, a woman in the newspaper industry. And I could never really get over the criticism. So. I moved on. Got that masters degree in public administration all on my own. Hoping to make a difference with writing grants. But. … That’s the hardest area to get into that you’d ever believe.

So. Here I am. Always looking for opportunities where I could use that MPA or that journalism degree. Sticking it out with an interesting job that is incredibly frustrating at times. Because paying the bills is important and one of these days – It will get better. And I have to remain confident in that. Otherwise? Well!

Basically, I have been dealing with a lot in my headspace and couldn’t really communicate. And I feared that if I did communicate it – I would come off dumb and pathetic. You would wonder about me and if I really should be writing.

And honestly, that’s something I have to learn, and relearn, not to worry about.

That will forever be something I am working on. In addition to dealing with my confidence. Dealing with my anxiety.

Anxiety is a topic I will discuss again! It’s something I live with and I know many of you do, too.

It’s always nice to know you aren’t alone.  

Micoblog Monday – Order What?

Today’s Microblog Monday topic just floored me. Why? Because I can’t even!

Would you ever let someone choose what you’re going to eat at a restaurant?

Absolutely not!

First off, it’s mostly because I am too picky for words. I don’t like certain foods mainly because I just don’t like the thought of eating it. Or the texture doesn’t appeal to me. And then there are flavors that I’ve tried and won’t try again. Or just don’t want to try.

Secondly. And this is probably obvious. I’m a control freak.

The very thought of someone else picking what I eat is almost more than I can handle.

Sure, you’ll probably get it right. If I am in this situation with you, you’ll more than likely know this about me. You’ll know what I like and what I find gross. You’ll know what textures and flavors repulse me. There are maybe a handful of people I’d let pick what I eat at a restaurant. And there are some that I would get up and walk out if I had to let them choose.

See? This just isn’t an ideal situation for control freaks! Oh my goodness!

Friday Drinks #1

My apologies for not writing much lately. Work’s been crazy. Life has been hectic. So, let’s sit and chat over coffee or beers or whatever!

* One thing I did make a little time for was a binge session for the hot documentary on Netflix, Making a Murderer. This show was mindblowing. I can’t tell you if Steven Avery killed Teresa Halbach or not. But I was floored by the determined way in which the Manitowoc County Sheriff’s Office went after him. They wanted to get him for whatever they could. And that Brendan Dassey hasn’t received a new trial is criminal. He was completely disserved by possibly the worst public defender in history in Len Kachinsky. I could go on and on, and if you want to discuss feel free to send me a message. I have many an opinion on this one! And, if you haven’t watched the documentary. Do so.

* I had said one of my goals for 2016 was to start working out. Well, I did join the gym and have begun working out. I’d honestly missed that more than I even imagined! Had a rough day at work? Go to the gym and work all my rage out before taking it out on anyone!

* Another goal was to sign up for a race. While it’s not a road race, I have signed up for this: The 2016 Puppy Love Virtual Run – 5k/10k/Half Marathon
I signed up for the 5K because I am working my way up. And walking is welcome! It will be a nice challenge and benefits the American Humane Society. I really dig doggies and kitties too, so! Boom! I can run/walk this Feb. 13-21. I’ll let you know!

* The BlogHer Writing Lab prompt this month have been reflecting on balance. … I need to work on that! How about you? It’s amazing to be in your 30s and not have it figured out yet. Oh well! Life is an adventure.

* Red Oaks on Amazon Prime is pretty amazing. The 80s. Tennis. Country clubs. Have you watched? Other Amazon shows you like?

* Very nice that winter decided to show up this week. Ice is the worst.

* Quick politics thought. Sarah Palin endorsing Donald Trump. Did you see his face when she rambled for 20 or more minutes in her opening speech!

This pretty much proves what a joke his candidacy is, but it should make the next few days before the Iowa Caucuses a little more entertaining. I also hope it means Tina Fey makes a return to Saturday Night Live this weekend. 
* Speaking of stuff to watch, this picture alone makes me want to catch 13 Hours. John Krasinski is looking good these days! Also makes me miss Jim and Pam from The Office! This is like an amped up Jim though! Look! 

 So tell me what’s going on with you!

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Peaceful

The sun washed over my face.
Warmth washes over me.
Looking down, I see the ocean water crashing against my legs.
The water is not deep at all but burries my feet in sand.
Warm.
Peaceful.

This is my first attempt at trying about Yeah Write.me! Enjoy and dive in if you want!